Out of all the songs that really get to me Mad World was both the first and the saddest. In 2010 when I was on the verge of attempting suicide it was the straw that broke the camels back. If I never came across the song for the first time that day it wouldn't have prevented that attempt but probably would have slightly postponed it. I was already 99.9% of the way there but the depressing song was the only thing I felt I could relate to since at that time since I was seen as having a mental illness rather than physical one and couldn't connect with others suffering like I can now since I never got a real diagnosis. I overdosed with the pills shortly after it ended and so now I of course associate the song with that traumatic event, meaning it can really affect me despite the fact I'm no longer miserable though I still of course have moments of feeling down.. Let me again acknowledge my interpretation of the song is not how the artist intended. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
All around me are familiar faces, Worn out places,
worn out faces: This makes me think about the constant unproductive
doctor appointments and the scowl of my teachers when neither
understand what I was going through. You see the same unhelpful and
accusatory people that were meant to help and support you telling you to try
harder.
Bright and early for their daily races, Going nowhere, going nowhere: I was not on any effective medication at this point, so my insomnia was as bad as it had ever been. I forced myself to get to class, a monumental effort when you are that exhausted and in pain. I then fall asleep in those classes; I was bright and early for the daily races that were going nowhere. On the days I wasn't able to get out of bed, my family resorted to dipping my feet in baggies of water filled with ice to wake me up. It got me up and then I of course promptly fell asleep in class again. When I was on morphine I attended more classes but couldn't absorb any of the information, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses, No expression, no expression: Tears filling up their glasses is pretty self-explanatory. Lots of tears were shed. Then the morphine dulled my mind and made me apathetic, while also hardly improving my pain. I was zombified, having no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, No tomorrow, no tomorrow: I wanted to drown my sorrow and ensure there will be no tomorrow by dying.
And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had: When you're suicidal for an extended length of time you become unable to think about much else. It dominates your every thought and emotion, even when asleep. I would dream of dying, of the pain ending. And it wasn't a nightmare.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, When people run in circles it's a very very
mad world, mad world: Exhaustion from a rare complicated medical issue can cause a vicious cycle. You need to be able to articulate what's wrong to get proper help, and the more exhausted you are the more crucial the help is. However, the more exhausted you are the harder it is to explain what's wrong. It certainly felt like the doctors and I were running in circles. Bouncing me off each other as each gave up trying to categorize me.
Children Waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday happy birthday, Made to feel the way that every child should, sit and listen, sit and listen: My pain started when I was infected with swine flu a few days before my birthday. Instead of cerebrating my birthday as I normally would I was instead mourning another year of unresolved pain.
Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me, no one knew me, Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson? Look right through me, look right through me: Out of every time period in your life that chronic pain could start the very worst is probably right before high school, as it was in my case. Pain and exhaustion made me miss a lot of classes and when I was at school I was usually sleeping in the hallway or the classroom. I sorta stayed friends with the people I had been friends with in middle school but we hung out a lot less. The larger problems were the people I didn't know who just knew me as the weird kid who always missed class and slept in the hallway. Then when I was hospitalized I even drifted away from my old friends. My social life has only been rebuilt recently when I finally made it to Guelph. The teachers didn't understand what was going on as so just saw me as the kid who never paid attention in class and claimed he was sick but looked healthy. They refused to differentiate me from any other healthy student, looking right through me.
Bright and early for their daily races, Going nowhere, going nowhere: I was not on any effective medication at this point, so my insomnia was as bad as it had ever been. I forced myself to get to class, a monumental effort when you are that exhausted and in pain. I then fall asleep in those classes; I was bright and early for the daily races that were going nowhere. On the days I wasn't able to get out of bed, my family resorted to dipping my feet in baggies of water filled with ice to wake me up. It got me up and then I of course promptly fell asleep in class again. When I was on morphine I attended more classes but couldn't absorb any of the information, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses, No expression, no expression: Tears filling up their glasses is pretty self-explanatory. Lots of tears were shed. Then the morphine dulled my mind and made me apathetic, while also hardly improving my pain. I was zombified, having no expression.
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow, No tomorrow, no tomorrow: I wanted to drown my sorrow and ensure there will be no tomorrow by dying.
And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had: When you're suicidal for an extended length of time you become unable to think about much else. It dominates your every thought and emotion, even when asleep. I would dream of dying, of the pain ending. And it wasn't a nightmare.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, When people run in circles it's a very very
mad world, mad world: Exhaustion from a rare complicated medical issue can cause a vicious cycle. You need to be able to articulate what's wrong to get proper help, and the more exhausted you are the more crucial the help is. However, the more exhausted you are the harder it is to explain what's wrong. It certainly felt like the doctors and I were running in circles. Bouncing me off each other as each gave up trying to categorize me.
Children Waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday happy birthday, Made to feel the way that every child should, sit and listen, sit and listen: My pain started when I was infected with swine flu a few days before my birthday. Instead of cerebrating my birthday as I normally would I was instead mourning another year of unresolved pain.
Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me, no one knew me, Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson? Look right through me, look right through me: Out of every time period in your life that chronic pain could start the very worst is probably right before high school, as it was in my case. Pain and exhaustion made me miss a lot of classes and when I was at school I was usually sleeping in the hallway or the classroom. I sorta stayed friends with the people I had been friends with in middle school but we hung out a lot less. The larger problems were the people I didn't know who just knew me as the weird kid who always missed class and slept in the hallway. Then when I was hospitalized I even drifted away from my old friends. My social life has only been rebuilt recently when I finally made it to Guelph. The teachers didn't understand what was going on as so just saw me as the kid who never paid attention in class and claimed he was sick but looked healthy. They refused to differentiate me from any other healthy student, looking right through me.
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