Summer Lovin', Had Me a Blast

   In terms of this crazy summer  the car accident was just getting things started. At camp there is a game that we play once a year called the Mattress Game. Usually there are 2 teams that send members to grab a mattress laid out in the middle of a field. Whoever gets the mattress to their team's side of the field wins that round. This year for whatever reason there were 4 teams instead of 2. This meant that anyone actually winning was far more difficult. Half of the time the round ended in a draw after a timer of a couple minutes expired. Since the mattress is being pulled in 4 directions rather than 2 it took far more strength to win. I suppose I was pretty naive about physical exertion, especially when it came to me specifically. I didn't think there was anything dangerous about full out exertion as long as it's for a short period of time. I thought that 2 minutes is short enough. Trouble was, I was going up against 3 people twice my size. I weighed only 124 pounds, I would not be surprised if they were over 200. It ended in a draw, though when the timer ended it was closest to my side of the field. Was it worth it? Not even remotely. I immediately collapsed and could not stand back up for 10 minutes. It felt like my heart was going to burst. Who knows, maybe it was actually close to that. When you have EDS that kind of thing is always a possibility albeit usually a rare one, unless you have vascular type (which I don't.) As soon as I could I stumbled into the nurse's office. The air conditioning was blessed. I fell onto the couch and witnesses who saw me lying there said I looked like death, worse than they'd ever seen me. The nurse gave me some gross orangey tasting liquid to drink. I had a lot of trouble breathing and was wheezing with a sore throat. We think I had Exercise-Induced Bronchoconstriction, a form of asthma. The doctors in my family said my body can absolutely not handle this and to never do it again. It was an hour before I could get back up again and it took a week for my body to fully recover from the ordeal. The moral of the story is this: sometimes trying your best is a bad idea. If my life was on the line I don't think I could have done much better except maybe from the adrenaline boost. One things for certain: I'm never doing that again and not playing that game unless they switch it back to 2 teams.

   But wait, there's more! Out of the blue my stomach starting aching. "Well, Mitch," you might say, "I get stomach aches all the time!" I'm sure ya do friend, but the problem is it got worse, and worse, and worse... What did I do? I moaned and groaned on my bed thrashing about for hours on end. I should have gotten help as soon as I was bed-ridden, but my experiences have caused more than physical damage. Every time some acute problem comes up we end up finding out what's wrong and by extension find out nothing can be done and so I would just have to wait it out. It's happened countless times; I thought this was just another instance of this. The main problem was I simply couldn't go to the bathroom. Imagine needing to go more than you ever had in your life and simply not being able to. It was the worst stomach pain of my life except for maybe Serotonin Syndrome. SS made me feel sicker but I think this was more painful. Unlike SS I was constantly vomiting my stomach contents since they were stuck. To make matters worse whenever I need to go to the bathroom my leg pain gets worse, presumably from compression on the sacral nerve. Eventually the discomfort grew so bad I felt I had no choice but to go to the ER. The camp director drove me to the hospital. The pain kept growing the whole time I was sitting in the waiting room. Eventually I'm told they're going to do a scan soon. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it) I was able to go to the bathroom twice 10 minutes before the scan and it was an awful experience. The next part is even crazier. The scan showed that there was an obstruction and when I asked if EDS related gastroperesis could be the cause they said yes and that taking codeine nightly was also likely a large factor. Gastropersis means the nerves that push food through your stomach aren't working and so things get stuck. Since the scan itself was pretty bad the doctor agreed my situation must have been ridiculously bad before I was able to go to the bathroom. My sister stuck with me through the mess, playing a harry potter audio-book for me to listen to. She covered me in newly warmed blankets because the cold IV fluids passing through me were making me shiver constantly. I was prescribed medication to prevent it from happening again but I hated having to add anything to an already overflowing cocktail. 

    Did you think that was everything insane that went down that summer? Nope. On the last night of camp I went to take my usual nightly cannabis oil like I do every night to help me sleep. I have a measuring syringe that lets me squirt the exact amount I need into my mouth, 0.8 ml. Trouble was, the bottle was almost empty; meaning I couldn't get the syringe far enough to get the last of the oil. I had already taken my other sleeping pills and so wasn't thinking particularly clearly. I decided that since I can't get at the oil there must be very little left so I'll just drink the last bit straight from the bottle. What I should have done was pour the oil left into a fuller bottle. Honestly I probably ingested 10 times the oil I was supposed to, accidentally. I fell asleep pretty quickly (duh) and thought all was fine. Then at around 6:30 am  outside I woke up feeling beyond wasted. I couldn't stand up, I could hardly move, and I couldn't shout. I literally felt like I was dying. Imagine the slow awkward movements of a sloth and then you'll have a clear picture of what I was doing. I knew something was very wrong and so I fell out of bed and started trying to crawl towards my roommate on the other side of the room. When I got to his bed I tried banging on it, saying his name over and over. I was only able to use such little force that it took some time for him to wake up. When he did wake up he saw my lying on the floor and knew I was fucked up. With my last bit of energy I told him to get help and then passed out. I remember nothing beyond that, everything else had to be told to me after the fact.

     The camp director came again with my sister and quickly packed up some essentials like my pills and drove me to the nearest hospital. They told me I was conscious but completely unresponsive during this time. I was completely disconnected from reality and before I passed out it felt like I was going to die. I woke up what I think was hours later at the emergency room. It was just my luck that I woke up right before they decided to transfer me to a different hospital. They couldn't figure out what was going on and so felt anxious about keeping me there. It was a very uncomfortable ambulance ride. I was at the same time extremely nauseous while incredibly hungry. I hadn't eaten anything in a while since I was completely incoherent. I asked how long the car ride would be and was miserable when they said 50 minutes. I was brought to the intensive care unit and was given many IVs while they tried to figure out what happened. I had to stay overnight and was only allowed to take a few of my pills so I woke up at 7 am exhausted. A couple of hours after waking up and being able to speak I had finally remembered what actually happened the night before. I made the connection of the oil with the fainting and we were all quite relieved to find out this would be temporary. My stomach got very messed up again as the oil made its way out of my system. My sister stayed by me for over 12 hours, most of which I was asleep for. Almost all of my stuff was still at camp so my mom had to drive many hours to get it all and bring it to the hospital and then bring me home the next day. I felt like shit over the next few days but eventually got back to normal.

   It goes without saying I learned a lot of lessons this summer.

1. Don't listen to random witnesses, they might make you call the cops on yourself. 

2. Remember that everyone is friends with each other in small towns. You won't beat friends.

3. Don't drive too close, apparently people can exit dangerously like that on highways. It's legal to not take the ramp.

4. Remember that licenses are automatically suspended if you have your full G, consider pleading on compassionate grounds.

5. Don't always do your best. Don't over exert yourself, especially if you have EDS. It doesn't matter if it's a short period of time.

6. When you are in so much pain you are bed-ridden unexpectedly get help without waiting many hours for things to get worse.

7. Never take cannabis oil without a measuring syringe.